Negotiation: A Graceful Waltz or a Scorpion's Mating Dance?
A quick word first1
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Unpacking our perceptions of negotiation
Some people see the glass as half-full. Some see it as half-empty. And others, I suppose, can’t even see the glass, let alone its contents. Whatever optimists and pessimists do (or don’t) see is bound to affect their outlook and behavior.
So it is with negotiation. Some people see opportunity and pursue it. Others see possible peril and guard themselves against it. (Still others may not even realize that they’re engaged in a negotiation.)
I recently polled Jazz readers, seeking metaphors for negotiation, the first thing that pops in to their mind when they heard that word. A grateful shout-out to those who responded! (I’ve used their initials in quoting them here, rather than full names.)
Just as with glasses—be they half-full, half-empty, or invisible—many of the answers were strikingly different. My guess is that there are revealing, as well. How individuals perceive negotiation reflects, maybe significantly, their particular bargaining style.
Three types of negotiation metaphors
The examples that follow likely reflect people’s personalities, experiences, and culture, as well. Likewise for the the kinds of negotiations these people. A personal injury lawyer might have very different views than somebody who does business development. As you read through these responses, also consider:
What factors have shaped you view?
Which person would you most like to negotiate with and why?
Whom would you least like to deal with? How could you make the most of things if you had no choice.
Type 1: Win-win. J.M. said that for him, “Négociation is like an English waltz.” He explained, “Both parties in closed position slowly following each party’s line of negotiation.” Participants in a recent executive program voiced the same theme of parties coming together. One called negotiation, “A ballet of logic.” Another likened it to “Building a bridge between two shores.”
Type 2: Win-lose. That was hardly the only view, however. X.P. said, “Negotiation is give-and-take. You give, I take.” C.G. saw it as physical combat, namely, “A fight: taking and giving punches.” (Both these men saw themselves in the dominant role.” But S.C. called negotiation “a flash flood.” She was surprised by her own response and disturbed by its meaning. “All I am focused on is to survive it, it seems. Not to ride it out or benefit from it.”
Type 3: Improvisation: S.H. merged two different images, likening negotiation to both “poker or a collaborative group game.” He explained that “Depending on the particular negotiation, the contest can be open and maybe violent competition, quiet and strategic play with chance and uncertainty, or a group game with everyone on the same side of the table.”
A.G. used a dining metaphor to capture the emotion aspect of negotiation, saying it’s like “A spicy Indian dish! I am of Indian origin so I like spicy stuff. Yet if it gets too spicy it can hurt. So, it’s fun and exciting yet you need to be careful.”
Given my own improv bent, I liked two metaphors that came up in a class. One person chose, “Dueling jazz musicians improvising. Each musician must take into account the other’s last solo.” In the same spirit, another called it, “A dance where two partners with different styles and tastes are trying to achieve harmony.”
A trio of lessons
First, if you’re dealing with somebody for the first time, be mindful of the possibility that they see negotiation differently than you do. Be ready to improvise and adapt, depending on the other party’s approach.
Second, beware of self-fulfilling prophecies. Specifically, if you expect a sword fight and come in waving a saber, even a normally peaceful negotiator may feel compelled to respond in kind. On the other hand, don’t count on being mimicked if you begin collaboratively. Some people may reciprocate, but others may misread your signal as weakness or naïveté. Once again, have a Plan B.
Third, the boundaries between the win-win/win-lose/improvisation categories are loose. Don’t confirm other people’s worst expectations. Do what you can to prompt cooperative engagement.
Housekeeping
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