A look ahead
This has been a busy week for Jazz of Negotiation. As usual, there was a Tuesday article on emotional preparation for negotiation, and here’s the regular Thursday post down below. The weekly article and post will continue to be free of charge for all who sign in.
This first month of publication I wanted people to get a feel for the additional features that will limited to subscribers after February 28. One was Lessons from a Jazz Pianist and the other was about Reading the Room. Subscribers will also participate in Q and A chat, check out videos, and do exercises (like this one today.) I hope you subscribe and let others know about Jazz of Negotiation!
The puzzle
Last week I posted a scenario about the best place to sit in an important meeting. (If you’ve already read it, jump down to the next section, Responses.) If not, here’s the story. It’s drawn from psychologist Robert Cialdini’s book, Pre-suasion. Cialdini says it’s not what you say that makes you persuasive. No, it’s what you do before you say anything that matters most.
Imagine walking into a meeting that will either approve or reject an important project you’re proposing. Your boss has clearly stated that she will make the final call, but first she wants to hear the views of others in your group. Some colleagues support your initiative. Others don’t. You’ve arrived a few minutes early, but most of the dozen seats are already taken.
Your boss is settling in at the 12 o’clock position, (the circled B ). All the red seats are filled. The only ones left are at the #3, #6, and #11 spots.
The boss likes to get everyone into the discussion. Starting a meeting, she usually does a check-in, going clockwise around the table, leading off with whoever is immediately on her left. Each person has one minute to state an opinion or to pose a question.
You only have only brief moment to make a choice. To wield the most influence, where’s the best place for you to sit? Cialdini has a strong point of view on that question and now that I think about it, I’m convinced he’s right.
Your responses
Thanks for sending in your choices! They were consistent with what I heard several years ago when I put up an online survey and got more than 6,000 responses. Then and now opinion was sharply divided on what’s the best seat. Here are the overall results:
3 o’clock 25%
6 o’clock 36%
11 o’clock 37%
It doesn’t matter 2%
Three things are striking. For starters, almost everyone thought that the choice matters, but there was no consensus on why it does! Here are the reasons people offered for their differing picks.
The case for 3 o’clock. Some people liked the idea of letting the discussion get started before jumping into the conversation. They could listen to and respond to a couple of colleagues, but then have the chance to influence whatever eight others might say.
Reasons for 6 o’clock. Other respondents preferred speaking up mid-way, balancing the value of listening to some people, while still have the chance to impact what others say. Also having the best view of the boss and being able to look her in the eye was seen as beneficial by a good number of people.
The case for 11 o’clock. People who picked this chair believed that having the last word is an advantage. That sounds reasonable, too. All other things being equal, the opportunity to address people’s concerns and objections can be a plus. But other things may not be equal in this situation.
Since there are credible reasons for all three of the options, it might seem as if I’m leading up to a “it doesn’t matter” conclusion. Far from it. If given the choice between #3 and #6, for example, I personally prefer the latter because it allows direct engagement with the boss, though I wouldn’t be uncomfortable sitting in #3. Psychologist Robert Cialdini would say that I may be right, but it’s for the wrong reason.
What I overlooked was what Cialdini regards is the most important factor to consider when you want to be persuasive: It’s making sure you have the full attention of the person you’re trying to influence. He says that in situations like this, seat #11 is to be avoided at all costs because of what he calls “the next-in-line effect.”
Here’s why. Even if you are eloquent and you deftly build on what your allies say about the project (and debunk any skeptics), your boss won’t be listening if she’s in line to speak right after you. Instead, she’ll thinking about what she’s about to say herself. She’ll be in what Cialdini calls a “self-focused bubble.”
Think about it. Where you mind go when you’re next on the agenda to step to the podium, about to give a presentation? You’ll be absorbed in what you’re about to do, understandably so. Whatever the person right before you is saying may be background noise at best.
The lesson
Here’s Cialdini’s big point. Being persuasive isn’t just about crafting what you plan to say. It’s about getting out of your own head and into the mind of the person you have to convince. Make your pitch when--and only when--they can be focused on you, undistracted by their own thoughts.
Just to be clear. I’m talking here about the importance of winning someone else’s attention.
I’m not saying that you should never sit next to your boss. In other situations, that might be exactly where you’d want to be. If she’s asked you to take the seat beside her, for instance, by all means do so. She may want privately confer with you during the meeting. Or maybe she wants to signal her confidence in you.
But when it’s important that she listen intently to you, set yourself up in a position where you’ll have her attention before you say a word.
Housekeeping
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Next time you do the survey, why not change it up and ask "Which is the worst seat to be in?"