Thanks for visiting The Jazz of Negotiation! When you have a chance, check out the About page to see the aim of this publication and learn how it can help you become a more effective negotiator.
Two weeks ago I put up an article here about a shoeshine guy who can land customers in three seconds flat. It reminded me of another story about split-second interaction I wrote elsewhere eight years ago. It got 150,000 views and sparked more than 500 comments. The majority of those were positive, but a significant number of people were angered. Some were hostile.
I’ll summarize the story, both true and troubling, and ask you to reflect on your own reactions to it. Later this week I’ll share what I learned from the conflicting comments. The incident is far from most people’s experience, but I believe it offers powerful lessons for all of us.
A life and death decision
Imagine it’s 2011 and you’re a British Marine commando in Afghanistan. Your unit comes across an insurgent, badly wounded but unarmed. One of your fellow Marines, seething with rage, points his pistol at the prisoner and is poised to shoot. “Shuffle off this mortal coil,” he says. “It’s nothing you wouldn’t do to us.”
You have mere seconds to act. You’re not near enough to restrain him. What would you say?
If you weighed the options for more than an instant, time’s up. It’s too late. That was the case for others at the scene. Before they could act or speak, the angry commando shot the defenseless captive at close range, then turned to his fellow commandos and said, “Obviously this doesn’t go anywhere, fellas. I just broke the Geneva Convention.”
But word did get out in the following days. The whole incident had been videoed by helmet cameras. (The grainy picture posted above is from that footage.) Two years later the Marine was tried and found guilty of murder, the first such conviction in Britain since World War II. Handing down a life sentence, the judge said, “You treated that Afghan man with contempt and murdered him in cold blood. By doing so you have betrayed your corps . . . [and] potentially increased the risk of revenge attacks against your fellow service personnel.”1
It was a tragedy all the way around. For the victim, most certainly. Also for the convicted soldier who had an otherwise unblemished service record. Likewise for the troops who witnessed the killing and still anguish over what they might have done to prevent it.
Full stop (without saying that)
There is no simple answer that would guarantee a different outcome, but some military experts believe that the murder might have been prevented if just one other person in that unit had the presence of mind to say four words: “Marines don’t do that.”
Replay that short sentence in your head as if it were directed to you. Note that it does not include the words stop, order, or wrong. That omission makes the statement all the stronger. Its aim is to put the spotlight on the person, not the act.
“Marines” is the most important word. It comes first and works on two levels. It tells the soldier, “Remember who you are. Don’t renounce your identity.” Uttered by a fellow marine, it also says, “Your brothers are here with you.”
You may think I’m reading too much meaning into that sentence. When I came across an analysis of the incident by an ethicist, Paul Vallely, I forwarded it to a former student of mine, then Major, now Colonel, David Dixon in the US Marine Corps. David kindly gave me permission to quote his reply:
“Wow, this is extremely apropos. A few months ago I spoke at the University of Washington about how the Marine Corps teaches ethical decision making in situations exactly like this. . .. This is exactly what we teach: ‘Marines don't do that.’ Verbatim, it is in my PowerPoint slides.”
According to David, every US Marine received this training in 2012, from senior personnel to the most the most junior enlisted troops. It’s more than a technique or a tactic. Instead it’s an expression of a deep sense of values and responsibilities.2
Now let’s take a leap to see how the same principles apply if you need to persuade someone else to do the right thing. You might see a colleague about to trip up by padding his expense account. Or he or she might be on the verge of cheating a customer. Don’t look away. Have moral courage yourself.
Start with the fundamental matter of character. Summon the better side of the other person’s nature. That doesn’t require sermonizing. Instead, you might merely ask, “Would you comfortable telling your children what you’re planning to do?” Doing that buys you time. Once you have it, you can debate specific ethical responsibilities.
In my next post, later this week, I’ll describe how people’s opinions about my original article were so strongly opposed. And I’ll draw a few lessons that I learned from that. Stay tuned!
Housekeeping
Just by signing up for Jazz of Negotiation, you’ll get free access to a full article, plus a shorter post, delivered by email 50 weeks a year. Paid subscribers get additional content: Q and A threads, videos, and from time to time, short exercises, with more to come.
On 28 March 28, 2017, Blackman was given a 7-year sentence for manslaughter with diminished responsibility. He was given credit for time served and was freed a month later.
David added that U.S. Marines are taught poise, presence, and moral courage from Day 1 in the service. “If the Marine next to you is falling asleep in class, you must have the moral courage to wake him up and motivate him to stay awake. If you are caught sleeping in class at boot camp, not only do you get in trouble for laziness, but the Marine to your left and to your right get in trouble for lack of moral courage b/c they should have corrected you when you were in the wrong.”
Split-second Decision Making
Split-second Decision Making
Split-second Decision Making
A quick word first
Thanks for visiting The Jazz of Negotiation! When you have a chance, check out the About page to see the aim of this publication and learn how it can help you become a more effective negotiator.
Two weeks ago I put up an article here about a shoeshine guy who can land customers in three seconds flat. It reminded me of another story about split-second interaction I wrote elsewhere eight years ago. It got 150,000 views and sparked more than 500 comments. The majority of those were positive, but a significant number of people were angered. Some were hostile.
I’ll summarize the story, both true and troubling, and ask you to reflect on your own reactions to it. Later this week I’ll share what I learned from the conflicting comments. The incident is far from most people’s experience, but I believe it offers powerful lessons for all of us.
A life and death decision
Imagine it’s 2011 and you’re a British Marine commando in Afghanistan. Your unit comes across an insurgent, badly wounded but unarmed. One of your fellow Marines, seething with rage, points his pistol at the prisoner and is poised to shoot. “Shuffle off this mortal coil,” he says. “It’s nothing you wouldn’t do to us.”
You have mere seconds to act. You’re not near enough to restrain him. What would you say?
If you weighed the options for more than an instant, time’s up. It’s too late. That was the case for others at the scene. Before they could act or speak, the angry commando shot the defenseless captive at close range, then turned to his fellow commandos and said, “Obviously this doesn’t go anywhere, fellas. I just broke the Geneva Convention.”
But word did get out in the following days. The whole incident had been videoed by helmet cameras. (The grainy picture posted above is from that footage.) Two years later the Marine was tried and found guilty of murder, the first such conviction in Britain since World War II. Handing down a life sentence, the judge said, “You treated that Afghan man with contempt and murdered him in cold blood. By doing so you have betrayed your corps . . . [and] potentially increased the risk of revenge attacks against your fellow service personnel.”1
It was a tragedy all the way around. For the victim, most certainly. Also for the convicted soldier who had an otherwise unblemished service record. Likewise for the troops who witnessed the killing and still anguish over what they might have done to prevent it.
Full stop (without saying that)
There is no simple answer that would guarantee a different outcome, but some military experts believe that the murder might have been prevented if just one other person in that unit had the presence of mind to say four words: “Marines don’t do that.”
Replay that short sentence in your head as if it were directed to you. Note that it does not include the words stop, order, or wrong. That omission makes the statement all the stronger. Its aim is to put the spotlight on the person, not the act.
“Marines” is the most important word. It comes first and works on two levels. It tells the soldier, “Remember who you are. Don’t renounce your identity.” Uttered by a fellow marine, it also says, “Your brothers are here with you.”
You may think I’m reading too much meaning into that sentence. When I came across an analysis of the incident by an ethicist, Paul Vallely, I forwarded it to a former student of mine, then Major, now Colonel, David Dixon in the US Marine Corps. David kindly gave me permission to quote his reply:
“Wow, this is extremely apropos. A few months ago I spoke at the University of Washington about how the Marine Corps teaches ethical decision making in situations exactly like this. . .. This is exactly what we teach: ‘Marines don't do that.’ Verbatim, it is in my PowerPoint slides.”
According to David, every US Marine received this training in 2012, from senior personnel to the most the most junior enlisted troops. It’s more than a technique or a tactic. Instead it’s an expression of a deep sense of values and responsibilities.2
Now let’s take a leap to see how the same principles apply if you need to persuade someone else to do the right thing. You might see a colleague about to trip up by padding his expense account. Or he or she might be on the verge of cheating a customer. Don’t look away. Have moral courage yourself.
Start with the fundamental matter of character. Summon the better side of the other person’s nature. That doesn’t require sermonizing. Instead, you might merely ask, “Would you comfortable telling your children what you’re planning to do?” Doing that buys you time. Once you have it, you can debate specific ethical responsibilities.
In my next post, later this week, I’ll describe how people’s opinions about my original article were so strongly opposed. And I’ll draw a few lessons that I learned from that. Stay tuned!
Housekeeping
Just by signing up for Jazz of Negotiation, you’ll get free access to a full article, plus a shorter post, delivered by email 50 weeks a year. Paid subscribers get additional content: Q and A threads, videos, and from time to time, short exercises, with more to come.
On 28 March 28, 2017, Blackman was given a 7-year sentence for manslaughter with diminished responsibility. He was given credit for time served and was freed a month later.
David added that U.S. Marines are taught poise, presence, and moral courage from Day 1 in the service. “If the Marine next to you is falling asleep in class, you must have the moral courage to wake him up and motivate him to stay awake. If you are caught sleeping in class at boot camp, not only do you get in trouble for laziness, but the Marine to your left and to your right get in trouble for lack of moral courage b/c they should have corrected you when you were in the wrong.”