How to Quit Your Job

WITHOUT MAKING A MESS OF IT

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A quick word first

This has been a busy spring for me and more stuff is on tap the next two weeks. I’m going to hold off publishing for that period, and resume Tuesday, May 31. In the meantime, good wishes and be well!

Mike

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Breaking the news

Two years ago, a friend of mine asked me if I’d give his daughter Lisa some advice about preparing for a job negotiation. I had done this for other people looking to land a new position or win a promotion. I knew Lisa was smart, creative, and hard-working. Any place would be lucky to have her. I told her dad that I’d be glad to speak with her.

Only it turned out that Lisa wasn’t trying to get a job. She was intent on leaving her present company, seemingly a good one, even thought she hadn’t yet lined up anything else.

At first blush it struck me as curious that someone, with full power to act unilaterally, would ask for negotiation advice. After all, Lisa could walk out the door without needing her boss’s permission.

On reflection, though, I could see how someone in her position might well be concerned about how her boss and colleagues would feel about her departure. She wouldn’t be negotiating in the sense of seeking tangible items (like keeping the company car she had use of). Rather it was maintaining her relationships and protecting her reputation, as best she could. How one leaves can have consequences.

All this came back to me reading a May 6th Harvard Business Review article, “Preparing to Tell Your Boss “I Quit.” Its authors, Nihar Chhaya and Dorie Clark, lay out five scenarios describing different ways your boss might react to your announcement, from getting angry and threatening you, to trying to guilt trip you or woo you back with a raise. The authors offer good advice on the importance of being prepared for all of those possibilities, and having appropriate responses for whatever unfolds.¹

I hope I touched those bases talking with Lisa, but I approached the issue from a different perspective. I want to learn what was motivating her to quit.

The best of all worlds.

One possibility, call it Case A, was that she had been perfectly content with her current job, not even thinking about going elsewhere. Given her talents, though, a job offer might have come in out the blue. Perhaps its compensation package was way above what she was getting. Maybe the position looked like it would be more fulfilling than what she was presently doing and the prospects for advancement were better, as well.

I’m talking, in short, about the proverbial “offer that cannot be refused.” In that case, her co-workers, and even her boss, would likely understand why she needed to move on. They would miss her and perhaps be a bit jealous, but her departure wouldn’t look as if she was casting aspersions on them. Revealing she was going might not be easy emotionally, but in the end, there might be little damage done.

The worst of all possible worlds?

On the other hand, I realized that Lisa’s situation might be very different. Call this Case Z. Maybe in spite of appearances, her present company Is struggling. Perhaps morale Is low. Or things could be even worse. Maybe her immediate boss is awful, loading work on her at the last minute and then taking full credit for whatever Lisa accomplishes.

In those circumstances, saying goodbye could be tricky to say the least—and risky to boot. What should she say if her boss asks why she was going (as he surely would)?

She might feel like telling him off, but that would make a tough conversation even tougher. Could she fudge a little bit, saying something vague like, “I just feel that it’s time for a change”? Then again, being evasive could just invite more interrogation. Given the way the boss has treated her, is she obliged to tell whole truth? (I’m looking forward to your comments on this!)

Then there is the problem of job references if she has yet to secure a new position. If he’s furious about her leaving, he may want revenge. Chhaya and Clark, the authors of the HBR article, say:

“One of us had an executive coaching client whose boss, upon receiving her resignation, threatened her by reminding her about her weaknesses and saying, ’I don’t know if I feel comfortable recommending you to anyone I know in the future’.”

“Your resignation conversation isn’t the time to debate past performance reviews or to try to change someone’s mind about you. If someone threatens you, they’ve actually done you a favor by letting you know that they are not an ally. ‘I hear you loud and clear,’ you could say. ‘Thank you for letting me know.’ And then get out of there quickly.”

The middle ground.

It turned out that Lisa’s situation wasn’t as bad as Case Z but it was a long way from Case A. She was in Case M territory. There was a lot about her job that she liked, but that didn’t make up for the fact that working for her boss (Jack) had gotten unbearable. She had started job hunting but still was early in the process. Whether or not something popped up, she was set to tell Jack that she was quitting.

But before doing that, Lisa wanted my reaction to an idea she was mulling. She had gotten to know somebody, higher up in another part of the company. “It’s a long shot,” she said, “but maybe I could move laterally.” I asked if Lisa trusted that person fully. If so, I recommended that she should confide that she was on the verge of leaving, while being careful not to look like a whiner. And she had to be sure her outreach wouldn’t be leaked to her boss.

Lisa was confident she could discretely approach the senior manager. Upon hearing her story, he said, “We’re not going to let you go. You’re coming over to my department. Plus you’re getting a raise.”

Jack’s superiors then informed him of Lisa’s pending move. He objected strongly, but to no avail. And he never knew that she had engineered her own escape. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but Jack left the company six months later.

1. The authors cite a recent study that 44% of American workers are looking for a new job. Perhaps you are one of them. At the least you’re bound to know a bunch of people who are least flirting with the idea.