A quick word first
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In a recent poll I asked Jazz readers to suggest topics they’d like me to cover. That was the genesis of my article last week, Weighing Trade-offs in Negotiation. And today’s piece was prompted by a request from reader Nicole Watkins Campbell, who asked about “how to practice on the everyday stuff.”
First, a thank you to Nicole! That’s a good question, one I don’t think I’ve written about before, either here or elsewhere. As it happens, though, this week I come across some good advice on that topic in a HBR podcast. It featured Amy Gallo, author of The HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict. Her recommendations about practicing apply in all sorts of negotiations, collaborative and otherwise.
The first step is to focus on what it is specifically that you want to do better. That might be engaging other people more effectively or being more adept at generating creative solutions. It could be standing up for yourself. Or it could be emotional self-control in high pressure moments, a topic that Gallo emphasizes in the podcast.
The second step is spotting opportunities to practice that skill in low-stakes situations. Gallo gives the example of dealing with somebody who jumps ahead of you in line at a coffee shop. If you succeed, you’ve learned something that you may put to use when the issues are more serious. And if it doesn’t work out, that’s probably a lesson, too.
A third avenue is observing other people engaged in micro-transactions. Watch a salesclerk trying to close a deal, for example. Register the words that are said and, just as important, how the people are expressing connection (or the lack of it) in their body language and facial expressions. An approach that might work with one customer, of course, might be off-putting with someone else. So expand your range. Skillful negotiators can adjust their approach depending on the situation and what sort of person they are dealing with.
In the same spirit, be observant in your meetings at work. Who are the most persuasive people at the table? What accounts for their success? Likewise for other well-meaning people who have trouble making a compelling case for what they propose. Think about what advice you’d off them to improve their performance. And then remember to follow that advice yourself!
In short, treat the world as a negotiation classroom. Sometimes you can be watching from the back row. Other times, venture up front, do an exercise, and put what you’ve learned to work. Step by step you’ll get ever better when things count for real.
Housekeeping
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Well, I can't avoid to jump on this topic, because I manage a negotiation club, which is a safe place where to practice negotiation, in the exactly way that you described. I'm the Italian branch of www.thenegotiationclubs.com, so personally I limit attendance to Italian speaking people, but those who speak English can find a suitable time when to have practice on the main website