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When to stay away from the bargaining table
There are times you should say no to negotiation. If you’re happy with the status quo, for example, or are confident you can get a better deal from somebody else, there may be no reason to talk other than demonstrating good will.
Likewise, you shouldn’t negotiate if the transaction is dubious morally. When a customer demands a kickback as condition for making a sale, walk away. Simply talking with a sketchy character can tarnish your reputation.
You might also say no to negotiation if your willingness talk could be misread as a sign of weakness. Of course, when both parties are reluctant to start a dialogue for that very reason, they can get mired in costly impasse.
President John F. Kennedy artfully avoided that problem in his Inaugural Address when he famously declared:
“Let us never fear to negotiate.” But he added, “Let us never negotiate out of fear.”
The second part of his statement was meant for two audiences. One was the leadership of the Soviet Union, with whom the United States was engaged in a rapidly escalating nuclear arms race. The other was domestic. Kennedy wanted to open up disarmament talks, but he needed to deter accusations of being soft on communism.
In a sense, Kennedy’s twofold declaration was both carrot and stick. And during his short term in office, he achieved agreement with the USSR banning above-ground tests of nuclear weapons.
How to get back to the table when the time is right
Few of us are likely to take part in such momentous negotiations, but even in everyday cases we can get caught in situations where no one will make the opening move. There are three ways to overcome such stalemates, plus a fourth that can prevent them from occurring in the first place.
First, you can enlist a go-between to break the ice. This can be especially useful if the dispute is being played out in public. It’s what Gene Gregory, president of the United Egg Producers, did to work out a truce with the Humane Society. That organization was strongly opposed factory farming and had brought numerous lawsuits against the producers to stop the practice. The companies fought back just as hard.
Then in 2011 Gregory used an intermediary to send a message to Society president Wayne Pacelle, “Can we just talk?” he asked.
The longtime adversaries met privately. They agreed that the legal battles in state after state were getting them nowhere, so they chose a different tack. Together they would lobby Congress for stricter federal regulation of poultry farms. That clearly was a victory for the Humane Society, but it was also a win for the producers. Uniform regulations would simplify operations for the big companies and level the field for competitors.
Second, you can avoid the negotiation word. Do what diplomats do. Call the exchange something else, such as “an exchange of views” or if you feel a bit more daring, “exploratory talks.” Keep the expectations low. If nobody has to make a firm offer or make a concession, it may be easier to explore possible solutions . This can be helpful in lawsuits over issues that the parties see as issues of principle. (The Humane Society’s use of the phrase “Can we just talk” is a nice example.)
Third, you can name the problem. This approach may be necessary (though ticklish) when you have interpersonal problems with a colleague, neighbor, or family member. “I’m pretty stubborn and maybe you are, too,” you might say. “It would be shame if each of us grew old waiting for the other one to blink.” Telling a compelling lose-lose story may challenge both sides to find a way to escape a similar fate. The example may come from history or personal experience.
Many years ago, negotiators meeting to resolve the Korean Conflict stared at one another across the table for four hours without a single word being said. (See the picture above.) Then after one of the Korean representatives nodded subtly, everyone got up and left. In the meantime, of course, soldiers and civilians were continuing to die.
Finally, in business relationships you can inoculate yourself against the first-to-blink syndrome by building dispute resolution provisions into your contracts. It’s now standard practice for many companies.
Foresighted companies make sure that their contracts with vendors and customers include requirement that all the parties must engage in mediation before resorting to court.
When there is a misunderstanding or an apparent breach, that requirement provides cover to their own managers and lawyers. Because they always negotiate first, they needn’t worry that initiating mediation signals a lack of confidence in their particular case. Instead, they can accelerate creative problem-solving, no matter who’s right or wrong, strong or weak.
Housekeeping
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