If You Don't Ask . . .

. . . you won't get far in negotiation

A quick word first

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The hidden power of questions

Negotiation is an exploratory process. It requires on-going learning. Asking questions sharpens your sense of what’s important to your counterpart and how willing he or she may be to accommodate your needs. It  may also expose obstacles to agreement that you will have overcome and reveal unexpected opportunities for mutual gain.

The payoff for doing this well can be huge. A study of transcripts of hundred of thousands sales calls by a British company sought to identify why some sales people performed extra-ordinarily well while many others were mediocre at best. In many respects, the calls were similar. But there was one big difference: the top ten percent performers asked significantly more questions than their less successful coworkers.

Why is it that for some people (like the top-guns in sales) question-asking seems to come naturally, while it’s difficult or overlooked by many more? More fundamentally, why does it make a difference?

For answers and insights here, I’ll draw on, extensively and gratefully, an article “The Surprising Power of Questions” by my HBS colleagues Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie John.

Some people, they say, are naturally inquisitive, with high emotional IQs. For them, the perfect question always seems to be on the tip of their tongue.

For the many more of us who under-ask, there are a variety of reasons for reticence. It may be overconfidence. Sometimes we assume we already have the answers. It also can be a bit of ego, a need to be center stage and seemingly in control. Or it could be that we may worry we won’t get the answer we want. Any or all of those feelings may be at work.

At the top of Alison and Leslie’s list of inhibitors, though, is the fact that most people don’t realize how beneficial artful questioning can be. “If they did, they would end far fewer sentences with a period—and more with a question mark.”

The greatest value of inquiry, though, is not information exchange. Yes, the substantive dimension of negotiation (mapping the Zone of Possible Agreement, for instance), is important. But even more so, is impression management, the positive impact question-asking has on the interpersonal dimension of the process. In particular, Alison and Leslie’s research reveals how it enhances likeability. And that, in turn, fosters more collaborative relationships that are higher in trust and stronger in creativity.

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The best kind of question

Alison has conducted lab experiments and analyzed transcripts of real-world negotiations (from business to speed dating). Using human coders and machine learning, she’s identified four types of questions that commonly appear regardless of context.

Introductory questions (“How are you?”) and mirror questions (“Fine, thanks, how about you?”) sound almost formulaic, but if they are genuine, I think they can reduce some of the tension that’s often present at the start of a negotiation. And I see full switch questions (jumping to an entirely different topic), as Alison calls them, as a useful device when things get testy.

But follow-up questions (ones ask the other party to say more about their response to a prior question) have special relational power. According to Alison and Leslie:

“They signal to your conversation partner that you are listening, care, and want to know more. People interacting with a partner who asks lots of follow-up questions tend to feel respected and heard.”

The good news, they add, is that once you’re onto the idea, it’s easy to follow up a question with another one. In Alison’s experiments, subjects who were instructed to ask more questions naturally gravitated to this form. It’s not hard, after all, to say, “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more?”

The effect of follow-ups is strongly positive in one-on-one negotiations. In a group setting, though, there can be a downside, especially if the method is over-used. The person on the receiving end still likes the questioner, but third party listeners rate  the answerer higher. Alison and Leslie explain:

“People who mostly ask questions tend to disclose very little about themselves or their thoughts. To those listening to a conversation, question askers may come across as defensive, evasive, or invisible, while those answering seem more fascinating, present, or memorable.”

The takeaway? In a meeting, remember that the most important person you’re trying to win over isn’t necessarily the one you’re talking to in a given moment.

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Open-ended questions: Yes or no?

How you should phrase a question should take into account whether the negotiation you’re in is cooperative or adversarial. In collaborative settings, go light on Yes-or-No questions. You don’t want your counterpart to feel like they are being interrogated or boxed in. Instead, invite brainstorming by asking open-ended questions like, “How have other people solved problems like this?” But in more competitive situations, where trust is lacking, open-ended questions may leave too much wiggle room, as Alison and Leslie put it, for people to “dodge or lie by omission.”

For both collaborative and competitive negotiations, research suggests that people are less likely to lie if questioners state pessimistic assumptions rather than hopeful ones (“This business will need new equipment soon, correct?”) rather than hopeful ones (“The equipment is in good working order, right?”)

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Be ready to answer tough questions yourself

Questioning and answering is a two-way street. Before you negotiate anything of consequence, enlist a friend or colleague to do a role play with you. Don’t wing it in real time There may be information that you don’t want to share (for example, nobody else has made an offer on the house you’re selling). If so, have on hand a response that is consistent with your values but that doesn’t put you at a disadvantage.

Alison and Leslie also suggest other tactics you can deploy, including:

• Dodging the issue by answering a similar question you’d prefer to have been asked.

• Deflect and gain control of the conversation by posing a question in return.

• Also, consider sharing negative information if disclosure could help build trust.

They also have suggestions for friendly encounters:

• Engage your partners with humor and story telling.

• Deflect tough questions with a joke or another question.

• Midst all of the cheerful chatter, remember to ask questions of others.

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Looking ahead

There’s a lot of fascinating work going on now on conversational analysis. Much of it applies to negotiation. A few weeks from now I’ll come back to the importance of question-asking, this time in job interviews. And for my Thursday post, I’ll share one question you should always ask—and how to ask it—when crafting your negotiation strategy.